How It Makes My Brother Feel..

Our words and actions have great effects on those around us. The way we speak, the choices we make, the decisions we take; these are not just about us, they have effects on others as well. Consider the case of a child who, by harming himself/herself, hurts the feelings of his/her mother as well, or causes her to worry. How much more for when we actually hurt others, not ourselves, by actions or our words.

We are like a web, our lives are interconnected. We cannot go by without making the consideration of the feelings of others a part of our personalities. Just like a person would not want to speak about how cute and awesome his/her kids are in front of someone who has just lost hers, or about how much money he/she has to someone who has just gone bankrupt, all because this would only hurt them more. Also, a father would not decide to travel away without informing his family because they would be worried. It also extends to making careful consideration and selection of the words we speak and the actions we make because we do not want them to have negative impacts on those around us.

It is part of hayaa (modesty) to examine our words and our actions before speaking or carrying them out. The hayaa that gauges our imaan, and beautifies our morals and character.

When you find yourself giving second thoughts before speaking or acting, thinking “how would this make my brother feel?” and not just “how does this benefit me? Or how does this affect me?” then you have beautiful hayaa. Beautiful hayaa that makes you shy and uncomfortable hurting the feelings of others. The hayaa that makes you cautious of your speech and actions because it behooves you to speak or do that which is only the best and brings forth only the best.

This goes to say, even when your actions have no effect on you, even when you gain nothing or lose nothing by doing them or saying them, if atleast it makes your brother smile, cheers him up, makes him happy, inspires him, encourages him or lifts his spirit; then you have enough reason to say/do it.  Which one of us would not want to be among those mentioned by the prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa sallam) as the best of people? “Those who bring happiness to their muslim brother” and “those with excellent character”, “those who are best to their companions”.

If making your brother smile and making him happy has such great merit, then how about doing the opposite? How about when you say things or do things that hurt the feelings of your brother? When you do things that make him feel humiliated, degraded, sad or disturbed? How grave would that be as a wrongdoing? 

Sometimes we consider it trivial, putting the feelings of others into consideration. Someone might assume that he/she only needs to seek Allah’s pleasure and no one else’s. but have you not heard that “Allah is kind and He loves Kindness, and He gives (in reward) for kindness that which He does not give for the lack of it?” and that when you show mercy to those on earth you are inviting Allah’s mercy upon you. How can we even think that to please the heart of our fellow human beings is not important, when that is where Allah’s gaze falls. Allaah loves His slaves so much, that angering them would be angering Him as well, and pleasing them would be pleasing Him as well. Among the means to get closer to Allah is by being kind, compassionate and merciful to His creatures.

When you smile at your parents, your siblings or your spouse; when you assist them, or give them complements just to make them happy, you are gaining the pleasure of Allah. When you say something nice to a friend, or a neighbor, or when you help cheer a sad person up, Allah would be pleased with you. Infact even when you give careful thoughts, to select the best possible, most polite and most effective way to give advice, make a correction or point out a person’s fault, you are developing excellent morals and gaining the pleasure of Allah.

However, this does not include withholding the truth in attempt to refrain from hurting your brother’s feelings. Or saying words untrue, or doing deeds that are against the commands of Allah, acts of disobedience to Allah just to gain the pleasure of your brother. These are things that are clear and that we must not compromise. But for words or deeds that do not fall within this realm, they are not only accepted but highly encouraged as well. :)

May Allah increase our understanding and bless us with beautiful characters and make us among those who bring joy to the hearts of those around us. Aameen.