The Virtues Series: Episode 7 "Gratitude, Always"

"Is it time for prayer?" I asked, as I watched her pick up her sallaya (praying mat) to spread it on the floor.

"No, I just saw my midterm scores"

I paused to take her in for a moment,  she had gone on sujood (prostration) after laying the mat & afterwards as if reading my thoughts she said  "It was Sujood Ash - Shukr (Prostration of thankfulness)"

Abu Bakrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), said that when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard any news that made him glad, he would fall down prostrating to Allaah, may He be exalted. (Reported by the five except al-Nisaa’i; al-Tirmidhi said, it is hasan ghareeb). 

Ma sha Allah, was all I could mutter & for the next few minutes I was lost in my realm of reflections.

Here she was showing her gratitude for the outcome of her midterm exams, that she worked hard for. What they were exactly, I didn't know. But I assumed they must've been excellent scores. 

Perhaps  she was actually expecting them, looking at how hard she had studied during the midterm exam period, she wouldn't say she wasn't almost certain that she would score no less...but still, she kept it at the back of her mind the message of this Ayah...

"wa man nasru illa min indillah (And success is only from Allah)" [surah Al-Imran, Ayah 126]

All success is from Allah. 

I thought about this Ayah, & how easily we tend to forget it's message. How easily we tend to attribute our success to ourselves & forget to show gratitude. 

You know, it's easier to feel grateful  when we get miraculous outcomes, those that we never even expected, those that we could've never earned or deserved. That moment when you write a really difficult exam and you know you need a miracle to pass it, or when you've messed up big at your interview and you're not even expecting a call back...but you pass, you get the job, and you just know that couldnt have been you. It's easier to be thankful in those moments because it's clear, its a miracle.

But when you've put in all your efforts, stayed up all night preparing, ticked all the right boxes, answered all the questions right...that's when you forget that even then it wasn't your efforts that granted you success,...but Allah.

And there's one more reminder I took out of this. When we internalize that everything comes from Allah, while remembering that we're talking about the one who loves us most & knows what is best for us, then it makes it easier for us to be grateful...whatever the outcome is...it would be Alhamdulillaah.

So Alhamdulillaah when it's what we expect/what we want, for it is by His will & Mercy, and Alhamdulillaah also when it's not what we want as well, for that is also by His will & Mercy...and all things that reach a believer are good.

On the authority of Suhaib (may Allaah be pleased with him) he said: The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

“Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affair is good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” (Saheeh Muslim #2999)

May Allah enable us to recognise His Mercy & favours & to be grateful in every situation, Aameen.

The Virtues Series Episode 6 "What is left for me..."

"You’re beautiful" she started off...

“Amazing at everything you do, everyone that knows you loves you,...you don't even have to try so hard...but me...what is left for me..."

I paused for a moment as I beheld her.

"I don't know what you want to hear" I said.

"But I'm not about to tell you all my flaws, my insecurities & my struggles so you can feel better. Not today, as much as I'm really tempted to. I won't do that to you.

I won't make you think that you can only truly shine when the light of others are dimmed. I won't make you believe that only when another star has fallen would you be able to sparkle too, because the sky is wide enough for every star to shine, for every bird to soar to the greatest heights without so much as touching the feathers of another. There are so many people on this earth, countless of them, but there is only one person who is you."

"Listen to me carefully now," I said, raising her chin till my eyes met hers.

"Make no room for comparing yourself with others, do not devalue yourself like that. We didn't come to this earth to be better versions of others. We came to be the best versions of ourselves, & it is your sole responsibility to struggle towards achieving that, & that has nothing to do with what anyone else is or is not.

And yes, you can be a great person that everyone knows, but you can also be a great person that no one knows, because what it means to be great has nothing to do with fame, money, or superficial beauty, but living truly to your purpose of being on this earth.

You are not defined by what or who loves you, You are defined by what/who you love, & the things you do as a result of that.

Kindness, care, compassion, respect, justice, honesty, patience, humility…these are what make you a great person, an amazing person, a beautiful person, and none of these virtues are solely one person’s to own…so you can acquire them if you choose, and whether people acknowledge or appreciate them or not, it doesn’t take them away from you…

So there you go…

You wanted to know what is left for you…the answer is…

Everything.

The Virtues Series: Episode 5 "To Build or To Break"

In that brief moment she knew her words mattered more than anything. Though ofcourse she was a little disappointed; it was their seventh attempt, and she was almost certain they would get it this time, but looking at those little eyes that met hers wet with mortification, she instantly realized what meant even more than winning some flimsy game; their feelings. 

So she smiled at them, much to their surprise, & lowered herself to collect them all in a big warm hug. "You guys were Amazing out there, seeing you all put in so much energy & enthusiasm, I loved it. And it doesn't matter that you're not going home with medals today, the key is to accept defeat without being defeated, and you'll always be winners whether you win or not"

And with that she placed broad smiles on all their faces, smiles that extended to their eyes in gratitude...but more than that, she had rebuilt their spirit...she had left them motivated to keep on believing in themselves...she had made an impact with her words that may last a lifetime...

So we always have a choice. Nothing is as priceless as that which you can never recover. When we dish out our words, we are unleashing something powerful, timeless & irretrievable. 

We could be overwhelmed with feelings like, hurt, anger, disappointment & pain but while these feelings are transient, the words we utter can last a lifetime. So even if we have all the right reasons to get angry for example, there can never be the right reason to be cruel with our words.

Also, when we think of how few words of kindness can brighten someone's entire day, few simple words of encouragement can lift someone up who's on the verge of a breakdown, how thoughtful motivational words can keep someone going, how would we want to miss out on these? 

The change we all dream of for the world can start with as little as giving careful thoughts & consideration to our words, generously sharing our kind & thoughtful words and also generously withholding those hurtful words that tug at our throats even justifiably...

It can start with as little as choosing to build instead of break with our words...we may not see it but there's a ripple effect too...and it does improve the world, one moment, one person, one day at a time...

The Virtues Series: Episode 4 "I helped Myself"

"What is so hard?" She asked, after hearing her daughter mumble words she probably wasn't supposed to hear.

She watched her pause a little, before she gave in...She needed to air out how she was feeling anyway...

"Umma, some people make it so hard to keep on helping them really..."

"But how so?"

"You know I invested my time, savings & effort to assist these people & what did i get in return? No common courtesy...no gratitude, no acknowledgement; quite the opposite of what i ever expected really..."

"Ahh but did you really help them?" She smiled, watching the surprised look on her little girl's face...she must've been wondering why she'd ask her such a question after she just finished giving the answer...

"Yes Umma, I really did all that for them..."

"But who's account was getting fattened with good deeds? Or you don't want your reward from Allah then?" She nudged her a little.

"Hmm..." her daughter replied, contemplating.

"Dont get me wrong, it's alright to feel a little upset at the wrong behavior of others,...but don't let shaytaan convince you through such events that it's hard to continue doing good...if you remember for who's sake you ought to do every good, & the reward He has promised in return then it wont be so hard to keep up after all...

You know, whenever I'm tempted to relent, feel bad, get offended by people's lack of acknowledgement or gratitude for any good thing I've done for them, I try to remind myself that I shouldn't even be expecting that in the first place...Just like you don't expect to be thanked for eating, or sleeping, or taking your medications, the good you do for others is for your own benefit first & foremost...it is only adding up to your account with Allaah...that is ofcourse if you do it with the intention of seeking His reward & pleasure alone....

And even that in itself is a mercy & favor from Allah, for only He has granted you that ability to even do those things & then He rewards you on top of that if you channel your abilities towards doing good for His sake...

So what do you say we take up this Slogan every time we are able to help others,...whether or not they give thanks or acknowledge what we've done is up to them...Let's tell ourselves these three words;

"I helped myself" they echoed, 

"by the will of Allah" she added, & smiled.

"The good you do for others is good you do for yourself"

May Allah increase our humility & sincerity & enable us to channel our intentions to Him alone. May we realize every time we are able to do good, that it's for our benefit, even when it seems as though we are benefiting others, may we realize it is only by His will & Mercy too & be grateful & may He accept every good we do, & forgive our mistakes, & be pleased with us all. Aameen.

The Virtues Series: Episode 3 "Another Way to Think..."

"Do you think she'll still forgive me?" She said, as I scanned her worried eyes wondering what to tell her now.

She had been on and on about this one matter, & it had caused her much unrest.
"Why don't you call her and apologize" I had said earlier.

"I don't even have her phone number, I have no way to contact her and no one to ask...I mean, I barely even know her.." she was on the verge of tears.

"I didnt mean to hurt her like that,...I was...angry & I completely misunderstood her...She must think I'm a terrible person" 

Now she let the tears flow freely...and I wanted to hug her & wipe those tears away & tell her she was forgiven...but instead I found myself lost in my own realm of thoughts...

Seeing my friend feel so bad about something she had done to someone; something she didnt realize while she was doing...made me think of the times I've been hurt by others...what if those times they didn't realize its gravity too? What if they went on feeling so bad afterwards but didn't have the means to apologise? What if it was all a misunderstanding? What if they did it ignorantly?

And here was my poor friend beating herself up over what she's done now, after realizing her mistake...but she was right, the one whom she has offended may never actually get to know...she may well not think so goodly of her and feel justified to do so...
Unless she thought differently...

Truly, there could be so much more to the story when someone wrongs us...so many what ifs we could go through, & it might just be one of them...they could be feeling sorry about it but unable to express it...they could've done what they did in ignorance, it could've been a misunderstanding...but how many times do we actually think about all these?

And though we must not forgive people only when we think they deserve it, for we ought to be generous with our forgiveness and extend it to even those who do not seem to have earned it…but sometimes the aftermath of their actions may still linger in our hearts and we’ll find it hard to forget or think goodly of them unless we can come up with reasons and excuses for them…

“When anyone says or does something that annoys or grieves one, he should try to find excuses for him and recall the status of the righteous who used to think well of their fellows and make excuses for them. They would say, “You should make seventy excuses for your brother.”Ibn Seereen said, “If you come to know that a brother has harmed you with either a word or a deed, you should make an excuse for him; if you did not find one, you should say, ‘There may be an excuse that I do not know of.’”

And so i took my friend's palm in mine, feeling hopeful..."In sha Allaah" I said, more to myself than to her...
...for I had just been reminded of another way to prevent myself from assuming the worst of others…I had just been reminded of another way to  think...

The Virtues Series: Episode 2 "Greetings & Smiles"

He looked as though he had been there for a while; an elderly man in his late fifties. She saw as he wiped off the sweat that travelled down his face, while he swept dried leaves off the street. 

"Merhaba" She waved, drawing nearer to him on her way to her department. It was one of the few words she knew in turkish, & thankfully that sufficed as a greeting. 

"Merhaba" he waved back, his lips curving into a grateful smile, as if it was a part of his burden she had just lifted, as if she had just acknowledged his hard work...

They clocked eyes in the kitchen, and she greeted her with a smile. She was on the phone in a hurry to catch the bus, oblivious of the impact of her small gesture on a girl she didn't know. 

It had become a part of her. Hearing her mother say it over and over again, she had learned to greet one and all, "even if you're seeing them for the 10th time in the day" as she would always add, completing her lesson with a reminder of the hadith. 

Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Al-'as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported:
A man asked the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ): "Which act in Islam is the best?" He (ﷺ) replied, "To give food, and to greet everyone, whether you know them or you do not."
[Bukhari & Muslim]

And so she did. Each time wrapping it up with a smile.

Maybe it meant more to them than she realized. Or maybe, it meant only the apparent. To her she was fulfilling her duty to her Lord, obeying the commands of the beloved prophet salAllaahu alayhi wa sallam, & striving to imbibe the best of deeds.

Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said:
“You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you about something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salaam (the greeting of peace) among you.” (Muslim)

Isn't it beautiful how simple short words, or such brief gestures could carry so much weight and be the root of love between people, creating bonds sometimes and breaking barriers; making friends out of strangers or just opening doorways to even more good?

And each time you smile or greet a stranger, a friend, a neighbor or family, it represents an opportunity to earn the pleasure of Allah, and earn Jannah...it establishes humility in your heart, & you'll be spreading the essence of your deen...and even when your greetings aren't met with a worthy response, even then be thankful because those times will serve to keep you focused on the one for who's sake you should do all good.

The best of greetings is the greeting of peace, Assalaamu Alaikum  (may peace be upon you) & when we are greeted, we should respond with the same or even more, (wa Alaikumussalaam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuhu)

"May we greet each other with a smile, a hug & speak kind words"

The Virtues Series: Episode 1 "Start with the Crumbs"

I watched as she picked up the pieces that fell off her plate, almost as soon as they did.
"You don't have to" I said, "or atleast you could wait till you're done" 

She smiled, and said, "wouldn't there be too much of a mess by then, atleast I could start with the crumbs"

Later as i saw her off, i thought of what a beautiful person she was. I wondered what made her so beautiful, how one person could embody so much goodness, & wondered how i too could be like that. Then i realized the answer was right there in her words.

Virtues, they say are the foundation of a person's moral soundness. It is that which sums up to make you a good person, that which reflects true beauty.

You can never find a truly beautiful person with an ugly character, & with virtues it's alot more than just being a nice person, it's about having a well-established sense of values and morals that guide your way of living; your actions, intentions, perspectives & your dealings with everyone including yourself.

We can sit and think of all that is wrong with this world, but we cannot begin to change them until we start from our ownselves.

I know there have been times I've sat and cracked my head worrying about what our society is slowing becoming and how i can help my younger ones and kids in sha Allaah to still be people of good morals, upright, with a sense of right & wrong in spite of everything that is going on around them but it still comes down to my own self first.
For how can you share what you do not have? How can you teach what you do not know? & how can you know what you do not recognize?

The line between right & wrong, good & bad is being blurred more and more by the day. So much so that we have parents who no longer scold their kids for certain wrongs, because well...they don't see anything wrong with them. And it starts with simple things like, taking your plates to the kitchen yourself when you're done eating, taking responsibility for your mistakes, avoiding that little white lie that won't cost too much, greeting that elder that just passed you by, being fair in your judgement between two people, even when the one who's right is not who you know, paying up your debt on time, being cautious with your words....and the list goes on...it starts with the little things we overlook...they are what build up into beautiful virtues that make the world a better place...for if you were wondering what you could ever do to change the world, the answer was always right with you...it starts with you...making yourself a better person will inevitably make the world a better place because you are a part of it...

So start with the crumbs. Start with the little things no one pays attention to, look within & start clearing out all the ugly habits that are of no use to you. Look again and bring back to the surface, all that goodness that was hiding there somewhere. The world may not acknowledge the little good deeds, but they build up to become the big ones that make you a good person. And the world may also not scold the little bad habits, but they also build up to make you an ugly person no matter how much physical beauty there is.

This Series will in sha Allah be about helping us to recognize the virtues we need to revive in ourselves and help others to gain as well, through examples, and lessons i hope that we all finish reading having learned a thing or two to make us even better in sha Allah...

I'll end today's episode with something i'll like to keep in mind;
Though we cannot be perfect, we can be good. And what makes a person good is not being free of faults or mistakes, but having the will to constantly improve, to learn from mistakes, & to choose right over wrong everyday, for the rest of their lives.